Monday 18 November 2013

Re-engaging for the full moon 17 Nov 2013

It's difficult to see where the last few months have gone.  In some ways they have flown by - is it really 5 months since I posted here?? - and in others, they have dragged and I have battled my way to the end of each week.

So many changes, so much movement and so much support from new friends and old.

And as I sit here, early on a Monday morning, I reflect on how I never would have anticipated the realisation of so many of the intentions I put out to the Universe.  There has been a great deal of pain and soul-searching over the last few months, aided very much by my lovely soul-sisters, mandala mavens, artists, writers, women with open hearts and beautiful minds.  And as part of my healing process, part of my on-going development, I have committed to bringing this blog up to date and maintaining it over the course of the next lunar cycle.

So where are things now? My momentous decision (with the aid of my Stage 6 mandala) brought me to telling my boss and the person who brought me into the organisation that I would not be renewing my contract at the end of July.  It also looked like the perfect time for a break from my relationship - time to go home, lick my wounds and start afresh.  Except it didn't quite work out like that.  My mentor arranged for me to move to another account, which also suited my boss as he had very little forward work to offer me.  I quite literally moved offices within the space of 2 days.  That led to a much more supportive working environment, with a great team of people and relieved a huge amount of stress. My commute was no worse, in fact I get to commute by boat on the Thames Clipper service - how cool is that? That gave me more time to focus on my relationship which was in dire straits.  And despite my best efforts at improving communication, that has now broken down completely.  Once I realised I truly was not being heard and that nothing I did or said was making any discernible difference, I took another big decision to stop wasting my energies on something that was now lost to me.  That in itself had far reaching impacts and there have been many further challenges because of that choice, overall though I made the right choice for me and have no regrets. 
We are currently going to couple counselling to ease the last few weeks before I leave and to try to disengage in a civilised fashion - the couple of months leading up to this point have been horrendous and were definitely not sustainable.  At least, not without one of us ending up underneath the patio, lol!
So I will move out in January, if not before, and perhaps we will manage to stay friends, however unlikely that seems right now.  At least I feel I can hold onto my dignity and my self-respect and my friends have proved their worth and support to me over and over again so I am most definitely not alone :-)

And there are many new projects on the horizon.  I have continued with my Mandala course - can't believe there are only 2 months to go to complete the first year! - and have joined other groups such as Amy's Goddess Guidance Group and Lisa's Sassy SHE group.  I committed to writing 50,000 words during November (around 1700 words per day) and so far, have kept up to date with it.  I make small commitments around my artwork and my writing (hence updating this blog!) to help keep me on track.  I have done 4 spreads in my I am, I am, I am art journaling book and have done the background for the last spread.  I now finally know what the last pages will be, though it only became clear this morning as I did some work on the penultimate spread.  So I need to complete that and then work on the cover. 
I have signed up for an art course that doesn't even start until April 2014 and am very excited about the synopsis for each of the individual lessons. 
For my spiritual practice, I am due to start a year-long celebration of Celtic Trees and Celtic Wisdom with Ros Simons which will be based around the lunar cycles (so 13 lessons over the 12 months).  I also intend to convert my pole room back at home into a treatment room and start up my therapies practice again, with Reiki Drum as a new addition :-)  I now have my beautiful Reiki healing drum painted with a gorgeous otter and stunning goddess symbol, courtesy of Nicola Wilson (Nicola's website) and of course, I still have my sacred buffalo hide drum for my journeying.

So life is good.  It is full and it is busy, I have loads more to relate but now it's time to get dressed and head to the office, lol.  I don't think it's going to be too difficult to commit to getting back on track with this blog, there is so much to tell and I am in love with my life x